


Have a Baby? Need Not Apply

by Rarity



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, M/M, noya and tanaka are proud papas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 10:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2105538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rarity/pseuds/Rarity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noya and Tanaka are desperate for a job. Ukai isn't keen on giving them one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have a Baby? Need Not Apply

**Author's Note:**

  * For [corelton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/corelton/gifts), [tinybeetle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinybeetle/gifts).



> jesus lord I haven't uploaded anything here since my shitty teen drama story
> 
> Anyway this takes place in an AU belonging to two friends of mine ([corelton](http://archiveofourown.org/users/corelton) and [tinybeetle](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tinybeetle)) in which Noya and Tanaka are Hinata's dads. Suga is Kageyama's dad. Also Suga is a doctor. It's very involved.
> 
> I became way too invested in their AU so here's this silly self-indulgent thing.

"Ukai! Ukai!"

Ukai bit down on his unlit cigarette with such force it snapped in half. He spit it into the garbage bin, slammed his lighter on the counter, and closed his eyes. They would pay for the money wasted.

Brace for impact, 3, 2, 1...

Noya and Tanaka burst through the front door together, waving about one of their phones in the air. Ukai tried his best not to acknowledge them and busied himself with straightening a small display of chocolate bars on the counter. The phone was thrust in his face anyway.

"Look what we got!" they announced together.

What they _got_ , like it was a rare baseball card or Kiyoko's number. What they _got_ , apparently, was a brand new infant with a shock of orange hair, smiling brightly through the bars of a raggedy old crib. The distorted light of the TV shined through the bars behind it and illuminated the child in a sort of techno-holy light. Ukai inhaled instinctively. Without his cigarette there, it just sounded as irritated as he was.

"What the hell is this!?" He shoved the phone back into Noya's hands.

"A baby, Ukai," Noya said matter-of-factly. "Obviously."

"Yeah, Ukai, don't tell me you ain't never seen a baby before," Tanaka added.

"I know what it is!" Ukai pinched the bridge of his nose. "What I want to know is why you two have one."

"He is not an _it_. He is a _him_ ," Noya started.

"And we got _him_ from my sister," Tanaka finished. They both put their hands on their hips, flushed with pride. "We're dads now."

Ukai's face was so incredulous, so uninterested in the boys' bullshit today that they both took a step back from the counter, but stayed put nonetheless. "Your sister just gave you a baby?"

Noya and Tanaka glanced at each other, searching for the right words in each other's eyes. It was Noya who stepped forward with the explanation. "Well, not exactly," he said, rubbing the back of his head. "She had Shouyou but she can't take care of him, so she asked if we could adopt him."

"And instead of saying, 'No, Tanaka's sister, we can't possibly care for an infant full-time right now,' you said yes?"

Noya said, "Why would we say no?" and Tanaka said, "Her name is Saeko," both equally useless statements, but it's Noya Ukai addressed again.

"Well, gee, I don't know, because you're broke? Because you're both unemployed?" Ukai started down the aisles of his store with a broom. The boys insisted on following him. Of course.

Briefly Ukai heard them mutter and then there was a squeak of sneakers against the polished floor as one of them was pushed forward. It was Tanaka. "Uh, that's why we came to talk to you, actually..."

What a surprise. They didn't come just to show off their new baby, they wanted a job too. Ukai scanned the items shelved in front of him, making a point not to look at either of them. He pulled a plastic bag out of the pocket of his apron and shoveled an armful of baby formula into it.

"No," he said simply, shoved the bag in Tanaka's arms and pointed to the door. "Now get out of my store. Both of you."

 

* * *

 

"Aww, come on, Ukai!"

Every week on of the boys barged into his store to beg for a job. Ukai could imagine it just perfectly; the two of them sitting on their reeking couch in their wreck of a flat, challenging each other to a hearty match of Rock-Paper-Scissors to see who would face mean old Ukai's wrath that day. But now the vision had the alarming addition of an infant watching them through the bars of its--uh, _his_ \--crib. Maybe crying, but the boys insisted Shouyou rarely cried. Ukai would be crying if he was Shouyou, that's for sure.

"We have a baby," Noya pointed out to him like he didn't very well know the reality of their situation. He barely paid Noya any mind and blew smoke at an ad in his magazine for diapers.

"I don't need any help."

Noya looked around for a flaw to point out, but frowned when he found the store impeccable. Every last item had a place, the floor sparkled, not a single light bulb had blown out. The welcome bells tinkled pleasantly whenever a customer came in or left. There was colorful variety, even a few imported goods for the adventurous consumer. It was, truthfully, a beautiful store that Ukai ran seemingly effortlessly all by himself.

"There has to be something we can do."

"You two?" Ukai snorted. "Not likely. I'd sooner hire Shouyou."

Noya's eyes widened. "I mean, do you think he could help?"

Ukai tossed a bag of pre-made sandwiches at his head. Direct hit. "Get out of my store."

 

* * *

 

Seeing Noya and Tanaka's friends had become just as much a chore. The first time Sugawara walked into his store following the initial incident, Ukai was pleased to see him. Suga was a level-headed young man, a great conversationalist, a _doctor_ with his life put together and a child of his own, Tobio. Tobio was rather stoic and uptight for someone not even a year into life, with thick black eyebrows that seemed to weigh his entire face down. Still, he was... pleasant, for a baby. Suga adored him.

But Suga also adored Noya and Tanaka and pleaded with Ukai to please, please, _please_ give them jobs. They're not so bad, really! They're not _that_ irresponsible. The store probably wouldn't go up in flames!

"No," Ukai said before Suga even reached the counter. He had brought Tobio along -- at this point Ukai saw the kid as just another chip in the guilt pool -- who was staring fiercely at a tub full of soft toys. Ukai shifted uncomfortably on his stool.

Suga's face contorted somewhere between offended and ashamed. "I! I haven't said anything!"

"But you were gonna." Ukai lifted his eyes up from his magazine. "I'm not giving those two jobs. I don't care how many babies they have. They could have a whole warehouse of babies and I still wouldn't give them jobs."

"That's a little cruel, don't you think?"

Ukai frowned.

"Please. Consider giving them a chance." Suga took a step sideways as Tobio made a grab for the toys. "They're really responsible with Shouyou."

"An infant is not a store." He turned the page with more force than necessary. "Besides, I don't need help." Tobio started to kick and fuss, so Ukai reached over the counter to hand him one of the stuffed animals he wanted so bad. A strange grey bird. Tobio's vice grip was so strong the bird's face was unrecognizable in his grasp.

"Let me pay for that, at least," Suga offered, but Ukai shook his head.

"Consider it payment." When the other man opened his mouth to speak, Ukai cut in, "I know those clowns aren't paying you to come in here and beg for them. Someone ought to."

"Thank you." Suga smiled warmly. "But this won't be the last you see of me."

"I know."

 

* * *

 

"Not gonna happen."

There wasn't a response. Ukai looked up from his magazine just as Tanaka was putting his umbrella into the stand beside the door. Even folded up it was clearly broken and Tanaka was soaked through. He dragged himself past the counter. "I'm not here for that," he said and disappeared into the baby aisle.

Thank goodness. Ukai lit a cigarette. "How's Shouyou?"

"Good! Uh, he's fine." There was a pause. Tanaka's voice was small and shaken. "He's sick."

"Oh."

"It's just a cold," Tanaka explained, but the worry in his voice never lifted. Ukai got up to find him in the aisle, sunken against a display of diapers with his hands clasped over his knees. He gave Ukai the most defeated look. "I'm scared, Ukai. This shit is scary. Babies, I mean, they're horrifying. You were right." He sighed. "We should have said no. But Saeko..."

"No," Ukai said, surprising even himself. "You did the right thing. Your sister..." He made a vague hand gesture and leaned against the aisle. Smoke curled around the buzzing light above them. "You did the right thing," he repeated.

"She's so happy," Tanaka said, as though to convince himself more than Ukai that they _did_ do the right thing. "She visits him all the time."

"Exactly. Now imagine if she'd handed him off to some strangers." Something twisted in Ukai's gut, that wriggling feeling he got whenever the two came in to boast about one of Shouyou's menial accomplishments, or when Suga would plead with Ukai to employ them while Tobio tried to rip out chunks of his father's hair, or when he received an overabundance of baby goods and had no one to sell them to, because the area skewed older and those in need of it were few. Except...

"Okay," he said.

"Okay?"

"You two can work here."

"Ukai..."

"Under the condition that you never work together. I don't even want to see Noya up the damn road while you're working." He exhaled smoke through his nose like a cartoon bull, trying to look, and act, fed up with the whole thing. Like the boys had worn him down. "Got it?"

"Ukai!" Tanaka threw his arms around the shopkeeper. Ukai patted his back awkwardly and swore he could feel tears soaking through his shirt.

"Get off of me before I change my mind."

Tanaka tore out of the store, shouting, “You won’t regret this!”, completely forgetting whatever it is he came in to buy. Ukai ran to the door after him.

“You forgot your umbrella!” But Tanaka had already vanished into the storm, back up the hill to his and Noya’s flat. “Stupid kids,” he muttered.

He tossed the busted umbrella in the trash bin, replacing it with a new one from one of his stands. Orange, with the tag still attached.

Just in case he came back for it.


End file.
